death of passion

my mind is a constant war zone. i am always striving for balance. things are getting out of hand. i spend too much time alone and have lost touch with how to interact with people. i don't even know where to begin. i work and it never feels like i do enough, there is never enough time. i enjoy time alone because i can unwind when i am by myself. but i miss being around people even if it makes me uncomfortable these days. the last couple of times i have been out in public have been fine, quite enjoyable, even if parts were totally fucked up. fun overall. being around people makes me anxious and i never know what to say anymore. i need time off. vacation is coming soon. it is good to have things to look forward to, makes me feel less fucked up. i never quite know which is wrong, how people see me, their assumptions and perceptions or how i see myself. i know i am too hard on myself, or so i think, but it's never enough. i am an island and i won't stop until i am dead, what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger and i constantly feel like i am living on borrowed time.